The Sound of My Day

Sometimes I hate being a mother.
It’s a difficult truth. Let me try again.
Sometimes I hate being a mother.
And once more, for those at the back who didn’t hear.
Sometimes I hate being a mother.

Brief pause while I await hellfire and damnation……

No lightning, no thunderbolts. I’ll continue.

Today was crap. The rain, damp and mist persist and no-one can go out to play. So in stead they all fight each other, squabble, squawk, shriek, yell, come crying to me (what can I do about it??) and then ignore whatever I say.

This is what my day sounded like: Turn off the telly. It’s breakfast time. Sit down. I think we have a rule about toys at the table. Yes, but you should have gone before the meal. Please don’t kick him under the table. I can’t understand what you’re saying when your thumb is in your mouth. No, I haven’t seen your German folder/maths book/spellings. Yes, I can wipe your bottom. Have you got your homework diary? Oh, please stop whining. Don’t forget your trumpet. Can you use your spoon please? No, not to poke your brother. Yes, I’ll push you in. Yes, I’ll spread it. No, I think you can feed yourself. But you haven’t finished your breakfast. You can’t be full, you haven’t eaten anything. No you can’t watch telly. Yes, I’ll get you dressed. Have you cleaned your teeth? Turn off the telly. You DO need socks. Where’s your school bag? I thought we agreed you were only allowed telly at the weekend. Why aren’t you dressed? No it’s not Show and Tell today. I said no telly! Put your shoes on. Hurry up or we’ll be late. Not those ones, it’s raining. Because you’ll get wet feet. I’m sorry you don’t like it but it’s what we’re having for lunch. Well if you don’t like it you can always go to bed. Are you eating or playing? Please get down from there. Last time you did that you fell off and hurt yourself. Please don’t play with that. Because I don’t want it to be knocked oh… Get a cloth! Have you ever heard me say we don’t play football in the house? How was school? Have you got any homework? Oh, please let him have a go. Trumpet practice? Please, just to stop him yelling? That wasn’t half an hour. He won’t break it. Only when you’ve finished your homework. Get off the table! Why is she crying now? Because we have to share. Can you come over here and say sorry please? Homework! Supper time! Look, I’ll mend it. Turn off the telly! What happened? Look you two, sort it out! Try saying that again with an empty mouth. What do you mean you left it at school? Hand in front of your mouth when you cough. There’s no need to shout! For goodness sake! Please might help. Leave him alone! Hand in front of your mouth! You have to have some veg. Because it’s good for you. But that’s life. When you’ve finished your supper. Can you put it away please? Bath time! Which part of NO TELLY do you not understand? Whoever told you life would be fair? Have you had your shower? Please pick up those books. What’s the matter now? Because I said so. Can you hang up your towel please? Why did you hit her? Teeth! There’s no need to scream. In the dirty clothes basket. Two wrongs don’t make a right. In the cupboard. It IS there. Well then I don’t know where it is. Have you packed your bag for tomorrow? No, it’s late. Lights out. Because it’s late. Good night. Yes, I’ll get you some water. No, you’ve already cleaned your teeth. Well you should have eaten your supper. Stop talking you two. I’ve read you two stories and now it’s time to go to sleep. Because I’m tired too and it’s late. No more talking now. Boys! GOOD NIGHT.

Day after bloody boring day I sound like a scratched record. I sound like a nightmare. The Pioneering Accountant has pioneered off to Beijing and I was meant to be going to Shenzhen for a day of cheap copy shopping with the girls. Then I realised my passport was at the embassy for the purpose of getting, ironically enough, a China visa. Without it I couldn’t cross the border so I had to stay at home. Stay at home, stay at home. It’s what I do. And today I didn’t like it.