She never did wake up. I flew back from Bali two days later. A scan revealed she’d suffered a devastating stroke during the operation and would never recover. I might be at her bedside but she would never know me again.
At Singapore airport I was overwhelmed with the need to buy her a present. I see a grey haired lady from behind and mistake her for my mother. My heart leaps. It’s all been a bad dream.
I numb myself on the long flight to London with films, books, music but in between the grief washes over me in waves as I remember why I’m going home. Mummy! I want to scream.
In China my 88th post would have been an auspicious place to end my blog as our Hong Kong adventure draws to a close.
Instead I am writing in Oxford where, in the early hours of this morning, my brother, his partner and I held our beloved mother and each other as we said our farewells and comforted her as she slipped gently away.
Mum had been so excited about our return to the UK and the cruel irony of her untimely death has left me winded with disbelief.
She will not have read the last three posts of this blog; the blog I started so she could keep up with our news. She often told me how much she loved it, the stories of her grandchildren, the insights it gave her into our Hong Kong lives. It made the worlds apart seem just a little closer.
So to the memory of my beloved, selfless and ever-loving Mum I dedicate this blog and the writing of a year spent ever so regrettably Worlds Apart from a wonderful Mother and a devoted Granny.
R.I.P. JSN.
Sunday 28th June 2009
17 comments:
My heart goes out to all of you. Sometimes life seems most cruel. You're in my thoughts.
I am so sorry to hear your news and wish you comfort of good friends where you are now. I have so enjoyed your writing and I am sure your mother did too. Love from Hong Kong
I'm so sorry to hear your news. She sounds the most special, loving, wonderful mother. Life is so cruel, the timing just miserable.
I have really enjoyed your blog and your writing and it sounds as if your mother did too. Thank you.
This last post had me in tears.
I've enjoyed your writing, as your mother obviously did. Don't give it up - one day your children and grandchildren will treasure your writing too.
OMG I am so, so sorry. That is absolutely shocking and heartrending. Your poor family. Poor you. This is my biggest nightmare come true - that something will happen to either my mum or dad before I get to move home. I am banking on having years with them in close proximity - but it is a harsh reminder that life is oh so fragile. I am going to phone my mum now. Tho she probably won't understand why I am crying. Sending love and HUGS. And feeling so helpless for you and wish I could help. xx
I am so sorry. What a horrible thing to happen and what a sad end to your year. I do hope the next few weeks are bearable. I lost my mother 10 years ago and can still remember how it feels.
I have so enjoyed reading about Hong Kong through your eyes - both things I remember and things that are new to me. I hope you find the time and courage to resume the blog once back in the UK, when things have settled down. And I really do hope you get back to your house in Putney.
I'm so sorry for your loss, my heart breaks for you and your family. I too have enjoyed your blog for so many reasons. I know your heart is hurting but hold those wonderful memories of your dear my tight and gain strength for them. Prayers are with you.
I am still upset about my grandmother and my aunt- and it was years ago. Yet, on a bus I saw an old lady, just like you described, she reminded me of my grandmother so badly, I cried. Some things only time can help. But I still miss them both.I am so, so sorry.
One thing my cousin said (that for some bizarre reason helped me) was: oh, we'll all be there at some point. Harsh but made me feel better, I have no idea why?
I am so sorry.
So sorry to hear about your Ma. I remember so well reading about her visit to HK at the start of your blog.
Have loved your writing and your tribute to her was so moving. Thinking of you.
i am so sad to hear your news. take good care of yourself. we wish your family love and strength.
Oh, what a sad sad post. I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say.
Please keep blogging. In time, anyway.
It is such sad news. God bless you and comfort you and your family for your great loss. We can only have one mother and this is the worst loss anyone can have. May she rest in peace.
Oh I'm so sorry.
My mother too died when I was living in HK. I made it back in time to watch her slip away (quietly in a hospice bed) but she was unconscious the whole time.
It would have been her 70th birthday this weekend so she's been in my thoughts a lot over the last couple of days. Odd timing therefore to read this.
All my sympathy for you and your family.
Oh, Mary I am so so very sorry to hear this, what an unutterably cruel blow. My thoughts out prayers go out to you all. SOrry not been in touch, been on holiday, then nowhere near an internet connection etc.
How hard. You're facing some of the most challenging things in life all at the same time. Good luck. Hope the home is going to work out. It sounds like too much to bear at the moment.
I haven't been over for a while, and now I'm so incredibly devastated for you to find this news on your blog. My heart goes out to you and your family. How incredibly cruel the timing and how awful for you.
Nothing one says really makes it better. I am thinking of you, though and sending you love across the waters. xo
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